When I turned 27, 28 and 29 I struggled. I felt Father Time briskly taking my youth from me. I was one of those girls that still felt 19 and wasn't quite sure how she fit in the life of an older woman. It took a while to accept it...even longer to embrace it.
I can finally say...after turning 32...that my 30's are treating me with grace. I know where I belong. I have found my way through the trials, the darkness, the experiments, the unknown...and more. I have had many heart to hearts with myself to realize that 10 yrs ago...15 yrs ago...if I could see where I ended up today...I would think it was a dream. A miracle. Something to look forward to and something to work for.
I'm a wife...married in the temple...the House of The Lord. I'm a mother...and a mother of triplets..a miracle. I have made a world for myself with my passions. I have been featured on tv doing the things I love. I have been recognized for my mothering abilities...for my crafting abilities...for my passion for life and for constantly trying to better myself and my life and those around me. I am FAR from what I seek to become...but I have made a teeny tiny mark. A teeny tiny difference and influence on others...and if those "others" are only my children...I have succeeded.
In my eyes, I am nothing but a tool in God's hands. Constantly trying to move forward and onward in the presence of our struggles. Constantly trying to make a mark on this Earth. But at 32, the one thing I can say with pride is that I am TRYING to make something of myself. Something of my legacy, my passions, my love, my efforts as a mother and a saint. I am far from perfect. I am far from what I seek to be. But I am moving forward, day by day...trying a little bit harder to be a little better. To make something positive of my mistakes and weaknesses of this life. To prove to our Heavenly Father that I'm worth it. That my trials and failures are worth it. That something good will come of them all. That I am of great worth in His eyes.
As selfish as it sounds...this was a birthday gift I gave to myself...a reminder that I need daily. For many reasons...from as small as "how to get through potty training...how to get through the laundry...how to forgive myself...how to inspire others...how to serve...it never ends...everything is hard. Every big thing, every small thing. But I was designed by our Heavenly Father to DO IT. I just need that reminder more than most I guess...
I had one request from my hubcap on my birthday. To make me a traditional Southern Caramel Cake. Almost every time I visit my family in the South I end up eating this amazing cake. And it's not something you find often in Utah. Yummy Alabama Food. I am a lucky lucky woman. My hubby made every single ingredient and detail from scratch. And I may have eaten it for 3 breakfasts in a row before I forced myself to toss the leftovers.
My absolute favorite Bday gift was something that my sweet craftyman made me. He knew I had wanted this for months and he told me I couldn't look outside to see what he was building but I gave in. I saw him building it once and it melted me. I have to admit that it was my favorite part of my birthday. Watching him...his hands working on something just for me...made with love...truly touched me. It meant more to me than any gift. I am absolutely a sucker for home made gifts. He made my birthday with this Ana-White providence bench.
I painted the bottom and glazed it. But it was a dream.
I am so grateful for the life I have. I may feel like my life is melting before me...that my children are growing too fast...that I'm aging...but the truth is that years ago...with all of that youth and freedom, I could never even dream up a life this wonderful and blessed. I am truly blessed. Heavenly Father is good to us. He gives us second and third and fourth chances...as many as we need to become our best selves. No matter where we are in life, it's never too late to become what He wants for us. It's never too late to become our best selves. It's never too late to find our Happily Ever After. I am living proof of that. This is my happy ending and 32 is better than I have ever had it before.
No comments:
Post a Comment