Forgiveness Heals

 

Though we may find ourselves in adulthood; though we may like to think that because we've been given all of the tools to help us know exactly how to always handle situations in the right way, I've learned it doesn't mean we know how to use them. We're God's "children" and with each new endeavor, we may find ourselves struggling to know what the right thing to do is; just like a child needing answers and direction. For greater reasons than we may ever know, I've learned that sometimes you have to find yourself at ground zero over and over again and pray for the guidance that was really always there, but may not be crystal clear until you need to use it.

A couple months ago I found myself in a situation that I've typically handled the same way for the majority of my life, and I've been content with that in the past. I'm referring to any time someone lets you down, disappoints you...even hurts you. We've all had it happen and we've all done it. It's part of the plan, unfortunately. Sometimes you may deserve it and other times you may not. And that's usually in the eyes of the beholder. But that part doesn't change the way you're left feeling. And in the past, as most of us so commonly do, I've been ok to just be a miriad of things: disappointed, hurt, bothered, even angry at times and just moving on with my life with things left at that.

But this time was different. I've grown a lot in the last 3 years in ways I wish I would've embraced long before that. It didn't sit well with me. I wasn't ok with just being upset and moving on and forgetting about it. I needed peace. I didn't want my heart to ache everytime it crossed my mind. I knew there was another answer and that I'd been taught more. I knew I could do better than this. So I prayed for an answer. And even though the following quote isn't what I was led to, it's almost identical to the answer that I received.

 

"Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals."

~Pres. Thomas S. Monson

I learned that I was only able to find the kind of peace that I was seeking by forgiving first. And it was true. I only found peace once I made that decision to forgive and all that comes along with that. To remember my favorite things about this person; my favorite memories; happiest times...to completely and deeply cherish everything I loved about this person and remember everything that our Father in Heaven loves about this person. I got more than just peace. I gained a deeper love for this person.

The other day I ran across this paragraph in a blog post and it really expressed the way that I feel.

 

"We were reminded that we don’t know everything and that judging others is dangerous. We never have all the information simply because we could never truly know the heart of another. That is between the heart and God. When our hearts are filled with love, we are less likely to want to judge and more likely to attribute pure and good motives."

Hilary Weeks

I think that is such an incredible power to possess. I can't tell you the peace it's brought to my life over the years by first choosing to remember that I don't know what someone's motives in their heart may be. That I don't know what someone has been through. And that by assuming negative intentions of another person doesn't help us have Christlike love in our hearts. It only leads to bad things.

I can tell you that it's easy to just let go of things that bother you. There are motivational quotes all over the place that tell you to "move on", "forget", "let go", "focus on the things that are more important". In fact, one in particular says, "Love the people that treat you right, and forget the ones that don't." I don't believe that's what the Savior would want me to do. I don't want to "forget" people. I want to forgive and find peace so that I can focus on loving them. Which is what I want most. Holding on to unresolved disappointments can lead to feelings of anger and that's not a road I ever want to go down. I would rather let love and acceptance prevail.