Ready or Not, Here WE come!

I once jotted down a quote from a movie that stuck with me and it applies so often in my life. But never more in the past than it does this time.

"Your whole life can change in just one moment, and you never know when that moment is going to be."

That moment for us was Monday, November 1, 2010 @ approximately 2:30pm.

Let me start at the beginning. So far, at 6 1/2 weeks this had been a horrible pregnancy. I was sick with Kayson...but this has been MUCH worse. Like please shoot me now or let me sleep for the next 2 months worse. It escalated over the weekend.
Saturday the 30th (Halloween) everything went downhill. I was so sick, weak, just bed ridden. I have never been so sensitive to smells and thoughts in my life. I didn't really participate in Halloween so thank goodness he has a wonderful father and grandparents to step in for me! I hid out in their recliner with my nose covered while they took Kayson trick or treating. I felt so bad, they make delicious chili, order bread sticks and bake pumpkin seeds every Halloween...this year these smells were so bad to me I wanted to rip my nose off.
Sunday. It got worse. I was barely able to move AND I had a birthday cake to make for our nephew. I barely managed to make the cake and I looked like death. Often jumping in and out of the bathroom to puke. At this point I wasn't eating or drinking much for days.
And then it happened. I was standing in my kitchen and I was working on the cake and having to lean on the counter just to hold myself up. Then I felt a gush. I had started bleeding. All I remember is spending the next 20 minutes crying and praying in my bathroom. After talking to the doctor on call I told Erik what she had to say. "This early in the game 1 in 4 pregnancies don't take." I couldn't even repeat the sentence to Erik without crying. He was so strong for me. I just remember being so glad that he didn't freak out & cry so that he could hold me and comfort me. The next 24 hours I continued to bleed a TON...and just like it says in the books it was all brown (sorry TMI). Plus I had horrible cramps all night. Painful. Erik gave me a blessing...which was actually my very first blessing from him. It was out of this world to feel that & share that with him during a time when we felt we'd lost our baby.

Monday. By this time I had made an appointment for 1:30 with Dr. A. By now, we had prepared for the worst. We were upset that we had told so many people so early on. We were upset we had to start all over. We were going through everything a couple goes through during a miscarriage. I was beside myself. Erik and I got to the appt and after telling the nurse my symptoms she said, "it might not be anything at all...don't worry just yet, this stuff happens all the time." WHAT??? Oh cute, you're trying to make me feel better by lying.

This is how the rest played out:

-Upon entering the Ultrasound room I immediately start crying.
-Me:"Erik I can't do this. I can't look at our lifeless baby on the screen. I can't listen to him tell us the news. I just want to go home and deal with this."
-E:"I know. It's going to be ok...just relax. The nurse said it might not be anything bad. Just wait."
-Dr. A enters right away (might I mention that I loved how during this last minute appt I had literally no waiting time during any of this! I was his #1 priority)
-Dr. A:"Ok let's see what's going on. Well...there's at least 2 in there."
-Me: (silently) "Oh great...we've lost TWO babies instead of ONE"
-E: "Um...2 what? 2 screens?"
-Dr. A: "Haha 2 babies. At least. There might be 3."
-E & Me: "WHAT???? puff...huff...pufff....."

YES! He said it. I wrote it. You read it!
As you can see at this point I was so certain we'd lost our baby that even as he found our babies I assumed they weren't ok. He was able to find 2 heartbeats and assured us they were ok. (I think that's amazing to find at only 6 wks). And then he said he found a small cyst on my ovary and that explained the bleeding and cramping but that it was nothing to worry about.

Haha...nothing to worry about...no but 3 kids is PLENTY to worry about!

He continued to try and get different views to confirm only 2 babies. It kept showing a 3rd sac but he could never get a full view of it nor find anything inside, so it was possibly an alternate view of the same sac. But he wouldn't rule it out. (Judas Priest!!) At this point I needed my blood pressure checked again!
Here's the proof folks.


We're scheduled for an appt on Nov 24th to find out for sure exactly how many little bebes are on their way. Translated: Jessica will not be able to get a good nights rest for 3 MORE WEEKS!! I am FAREAKING out. Sure, we're so thrilled and blessed to be expecting 2. But I'm having such a hard time not knowing for sure that I feel like I can't quite attach to the idea or "them" until I know exactly what's going on. Maybe part of me doesn't want to attach to the idea of 2 and then deal with disappointment if it turns out to be 3. So for now I'm trying to play safe and make it another 21 days!

So, long story short...we walked in thinking we lost a baby...and we found out we're having two. In spite of all our shock and fear is pure gratitude. Gratitude that we are so blessed and that our Heavenly Father thinks we're fit for this. You may snicker, but it kinda made me look up at the sky and blush that he thinks I'm a good enough mom for this. We are just so grateful that our babies are ok...that our worst fears were wrong. I can't explain how grateful we are feeling. We're DOUBLE BLESSED!!!!

So for now, I take back the title of our previous post. We're now a:
Family of Five.....ish.

Here's what the little Tator Tots (Kayson's name for them) look like right about now:


...and this is their size. I have become so attached to the fruit comparison chart on BabyCenter.com so expect to see a lot of this to come!